cal band great, blah blah blah.

-hiro

yeah, that'd make me wanna punch myself in the balls.

-manwhore

he's not my friend-friend!

-daniel

he can just get a hamster, put it in a cage, and it will wait for however long he wants it to.

-daniel

i just want to shower.

-becca

don't ever do that again, brian wolf. ever.

-hiro

i love you as much as eddie kim loves cal band.

-roommate brian (aww...)

bizzounce.

-eddie

i am so sexually frustrated right now, you have no idea!

-becca

and now eddie's here!

-jacob's anticlimactic build-up to a better day (just kidding, eddie)

this is my ghetto week, that's why i got all rap.

-rian

oh, i love it when you get me wet between my legs.

-brian h

have we scared you yet?

-becca to a recruit

it's like a vagina sideways?!?

-erik

it's like a vagina sideways.

-andrea

well i think i'm gonna stay away from "super juicy" right now.

-erik

boooooooooooooooooo!

-hiro

mmm, transfer burgers!

-andrea

it's whatever the hell i say it is. i'm running shit here. no one talk shit to me.

-david f

sigh-bee-lee-us?

-liz

and then we just stop it.

-becca

this isn't an accurate representation! there are more girls in band!

-sam

yeah, i still think god did most of the work.

-jimbo, referring to beth's conversation with clifton

hey boo poo poo, i'm smarter than the av-a-ridge pic-a-nic basket!

-jacob trying to be yogi bear

yeah. the original five colonies.

-jimbo

i think i'll do the ASU version just for fun.

-jimbo, on the hey song

i can make hilarious guesses on what those mean.

-andrea, on chinese characters

that's what algebra does. it allows you not to think.

-tracy hall, sub gsi for math 55

i'm lactating.

-noli

they go across the room!

-daniel responding to "you've got huge balls!"

there was this one frat party...

-melissa on blowjobs

and that deserves another drink.

-jeremy to ginessa, upon hearing the ice cube drop to the bottom of her cup

you have to smile when you're doing the beached whale. smile, dammit, smile!

-jeremy

no, mamu, no!

-jimbo

swim, humpy, swim!

-whoever was left playing fuckshitbunny with the 'beached whale' continuity

MOOSECOCK!

-amy, since she says it with the most balls

jimmy!

-rod wanting jimbo to slap his ass

dukka-dukka... aaahhhhhhhaaa!

-daniel dancing the macarena

FLOINK!

-aaron

well the white stuff just comes with it...

-katie c

i couldn't swallow the white stuff!

-rod

"f is for fuck me, famulener!"

-jeremy, tanya, becca, and miguel

oh, that's horrible... i like it.

-tanya

i keep seeing images of dicks in mouths but nothing's happening.

-becca

oh it's becca, becca b
"conor stick your dick in me"

oh it's zack the phone
i can't leave your ass alone

oh the cal dance team
you make ME want to cream

oh it's kate the mikechick
in her mouth she needs a dick

-various drinking songs, bus ride back from women's pac10 tournament

this is like me at the DC, i'm just taking food...

-kate the mikechick at the hospitality table

i wouldn't mind some midgley dick in the mouth.

-becca

man, eddie kim needs a fucking dick in his mouth.

-becca

every time i open my mouth i just get deeper...

-b-runo

i just want you to get off!

-b-runo (that's hot)

and now it's time to plaaaay... TEXT TWIST!!!

-angela

dude, i should totally fit people for their bras.

-roommate brian

that ass makes me not want to buy underwear.

-jacob

and on the 4th day of swastikanukah...

-alan (STRAIGHT to hell!)

with estrogen?

-kim responding to miguel, "yeah, cos i'm the only one here"

jag-jigga-jag-jigga-jag-jigga-ja-jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

-angela in the office

..........

-jacob, after realizing i had not gone home the night previous

you mean the whole message or the 'ho' message?

-tracy morgan as spoonie luv on 'crank yankers'

fuck that!

-random girl at the anti-war demonstration responding to "glory, god, and gold"

no more blood for oil
blood for tampons
oil for lube

-chalking near the entrance to bechtel engineering / lower entrance of cory

everybody but you, daniel.

-room 12 (sans daniel, of course)

i got the tang out of twang.

-jay

one more second and it's gonna be a really good orgasm!

-professor presti on reward/reinforcement circuits

okay.

-daniel responding to jacob, "fuck you, daniel."

he wouldn't be sick if he didn't slip me the tongue.

-jacob about brian

do you know who lorena bobbitt is?

-jacob

i thought maybe you hooked up with sam lam.

-jacob

man, i'm such a square...

-daniel

wait, no, travis... doesn't count.

-misha on baritones

aah, i didn't expect it to be hard!

-tanya (touching my hair)

me in a doo-rag? that'd be my day as a brother: yo yo homey yo!

-bob calonico. that bob calonico.

...ponte el sombrero...

-adam, my spanish gsi (it's a term meaning "put on the condom")

you deserved it.

-ryan, allison's boyfriend, on how fluffy attacked her with a watch

oh... uh... hi shereen's mom...

-studlee

steve has such a nice ass.

-miguel

steve, my mom's right behind us.

-shereen to studlee as he was... "pelvic thrusting"

alec has such an enormous head.

-daniel

wow, that's crasy.

-sam

do i have to play?

-alan

yeah jake, i love you too. we're a team.

-hiro

man, the bear wasn't for sale.

-hiro

boo poo poo!

-hiro, noli, and miguel in the band office

i'll ctr you.

-sam

actually, at one of the grad nites, they had to shut the pooh ride down because a guy came all over one of the vehicles.

-nate (aaah!!!!)

if peeing your pants is cool, then consider me miles davis.

-nate, quoting billy madison

freedom!

-noli

useless!

-andrea

it doesn't feel as nice. it's a little scruffy. ooh. yeah.

-bryan

i turned limp! dammit!

-rian

sigh.

-everyone in eddie's room

is that even a question?

-andrea, on sex versus th

wait, eddie and aaron chill?

-daniel

no, it's a love and wedding fakebook. it's for faking love and for faking wedding.

-hiro

bonjour, amigos!

-marzipan's answering machine

better than the giants!

-hiro, responding to "hey, how are you doing?"

yeah, well, we've had sex with the same person, so that's ok.

-sam

sbc...

-eddie (the correct response is 'sucks')

so apparently there's this party in th tonight that no one in th knows about.

-jdlp

meaningless life, well, that's coo.

-hiro

merely details!

-boyd

she says the reason she's late is cos it took her ten minutes to fix her cleavage up.

-liz about andrea

and then you listen to sons of westwood and then you want to prance.

-bob

you hear that? i love that! UH!

-bob, about the march-up sequence on the cd

yeah we hear you so why don't you stop that?!

-hiro

hiro? hiro. hiro... hiro? hiro. hiro! hiro...

-christine, trying to get hiro's attention while hiro was listening to his ipod

i'm not going to be at the tabling today cos... i realized i hate you guys. with love.

-sam

you know, i once saw two men having sex on a purple matress with a giant rainbow mural in the background. i thought that was the gayest thing i had ever seen until i met you.

-talbot

we're watching porn, go away.

-miguel

i can't wait to go home and sleep with the bear!

-sam

because, um, we're cool? yeah?

-christine c

you know how once you have sex, you just want it?

-sam

baitbus, now that's the shit.

-studlee

and only you.

-talbot

sooo late...

-eddie, running to haas

i love you miguel.

-roommate brian

uh, sick.

-roommate brian, responding to "so how's your sick new place?"

is mah hair too long?

-jacob, as a hick

i'm just going to laugh every time i see that thing.

-sam

i'm eating sausage.

-ross

the older the berry, the sweeter the juice.

-nate (uh. what?)

i get to come with someone... YEAH!

-shereen

computer, computer, computer!

-shereen

like hummingbird's heartbeats are faster!

-jdlp

you're useless!

-andrea

am i touching you?

-jdlp

perfect computer ever!

-hiro

prevent cannibalism! spare change for food! brought to you by people, the other red meat.

-random guy on telegraph

this site's been on hiatus for the past couple weeks, but hang on to your huts (and maybe even your hats) because i'm coming back soon with more quips and random quotables from you, my lovely one-person audience. with a vengeance. with a vengeance.

yeah back massages.

yeah i miss your tongue.

-roommate brian responding to "i miss you brian!"

that's not ok, miguel. things don't work that way.

-mikey!

yeah, you're coming with us.

-mooni, about karaoke night

bitties.

-jon

oh my god, you're back.

-rafael, miguel's brother

you see this? this is a miracle drug!

-guy i was sitting next to on the flight back to long beach airport, pointing to his neosporin

well if that's the case, then...

-elizabeth, responding to "but it's got my saliva on it!"

is that why you went to junior college?

-shereen to jacob, about not learning the 3/5 compromise

you should wear that around your neck with a chain and everything.

-noli

aww, what time is it now, bitch?

-miguel, holding up a wall clock

you're only using your fingers!

-miguel

miguel keeps saying i'm fucking him.

-noli

now you have plenty of time, bitch! study this!

-jacob

i lent you my cd player? i don't remember doing that!

-eddie k

have you seen my flip-flops anywhere? i think i wore them last after ftp.

-jacob

that's not movies. it's childhood.

-shereen

and it's not like berkeley bored where you can walk to brh.

-alan

yeah, i get extra perverted points for that one.

-sam

i dunno why i knew that, but yeah.

-rachel

...and then ditch her!

-hiro

look at us. not science majors.

-becca

yesssssss!

-tanya

oh, cutting rug...

-becca

i'm a language major.

-miguel

wow, what's your excuse?

-sam

no no, the other farm animal!

-miguel

no, don't touch me like that. don't touch me.

-noli, in his little boy voice

i think it's very overrated.

-sam about semen