rather than your theory, i think that's your fantasy.

-shereen

i'm hopeless.

-noli, after hearing that dancers make better lovers

my theory is that every girl is a lesbian. which in the end isn't that she's becoming one, but rather she's realizing it.

-noli

its slurp dida jigaa burt damn de shirt got EIGHT freaking MTV nominations

-jacob, about missy elliot's "work it" video

i was in a cult for one day. it was called big c.

-liz

that's jeremy schaub, the remix.

-david f

i made peanut butter and jelly last night, and it came back to haunt me.

-andrea

so your chochazcxtihuatl?

-miguel

so, pat flynn.

-miguel

hey!

-kim

i mean, who would do noli over anyone?

-hiro

who's kim?

-joe west

it's like an orgasm, just not as intense and longer.

-joe west

instead of hot sex, there we were, two ugly people, talking...

-joe west

and what does that say about their cocks?

-joe west

i wasn't hugging him; i had my arms around him.

-joe west

your ass should never be uncovered... therefore, it should be recovered.

-joe west

mexicans are almost black, but not quite.

-joe west

he's so gay, but he's not.

-noli

i already have.

-becca

i wanna eat a jellybean from that!

-sam

do not reuse instead!

-becca

yeah, you still love me. i don't reciprocate.

-liam

do you remember the twenty-first night of september?

-sam

i should write 'massuh' on one of these.

-alan

UNEX!

-becca and miguel

i was a fall freshman extension student; therefore, i am better than you

-cal band extension pride

myah.

-sam

oh well. whatever.

-michelle, miguel's mormon math 55 gsi

oh, i still love you.

-liam, after raising miguel's warning level to 40%

yeah, sure, you can wear your da hat in kansas city.

-hiro

it's funny how things mean things in vietnamese.

-sam

so 'andrea' means femininity, and 'bianco' means white. i am "white woman."

-andrea

hey, it's like we're eating our own ethnicities.

-andrea

you get CDPoints!

-becca

no, i think drinking beer and jacking off to a soap opera is the lowest you can get.

-miguel

no, i think drinking beer while watching a soap opera is worse.

-noli

wow, drinking beer and watching oprah...

-anthony, noli's friend

hiro, that's horrible, whatver it is that's on the UM board.

-alan (no it's not!)

doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...

-becca, to the tune of the chicken dance

chicken tonight, chicken tonight....

-becca

fart is harder to eat than cake.

-hiro

but it won't get me a lot of sex, will they?

-hiro

math 433AC or something.

-hiro

yeah, but you're gay.

-manwhore, telling sam the reasoning behind why sam enjoys the scent of bath and body works

ssshhhh!

-zack bruno, responding to "oh it's zacky zacky b"

yeah, but do you know all the words to that song?

-alex b (the song was "it must have been love")

ooh, i love makeover shows!

-sam

sleeping, you know, helps me learn things.

-noli

i just totally got where "the system is down" is from.

-kristina

soooo good!

-kristina

yeah, i follow him.

-eddie, about hiro

hello, mister calonico? my name olga for to playing and audition for cal band. playing for when mellophone. go bears!

-miguel as OLGA

yeah, and you're dorking out on the wrong one.

-noli, about miguel listening to classical music

pomegranate yoshimo.

-sam

i think i have a hankerin' for some jack in the crack.

-jeremy a

so there's these people i don't know here, and i'm just thinking, i think i'll ignore them for the rest of the night.

-jon

yeah, becca came up with that one.

-hiro (hamsters don't make good sex toys.)

yeah. there's drama.

-jacob

m. useless manubay!

-miguel (it's rian's new name)

what just happened?!?

-andrea

oh, yeah. well.

-erik

i think i need to wear a cup all the time.

-noli, after getting hit in the inguinal region

god, i'd totally make out with brian nguyen.

-sam

what else could we be talking about?

-hiro (hamsters!)

YOU'RE NOT NOLI!

-jacob, seeing kim at noli's computer desk

i had a kid call me and say, i wanna see you at three on saturday. i was like, who the FUCK are you?

-bob

my mom speaks like that!

-noli

good job, miguel.

-andrea to miguel, as he accidentally hit the light switch off while he was yawning in his math class

or both.

-jimbo

yeah, either that or he's a bitch.

-miguel

oh no, he didn't like the song.

-shereen, about jimbo

oh it's jim jim jim, i'm right across from him...

-shereen

cal band great!

-zack bernstein

how's a disco pose go again?

-erica

you're like a slave. which is a good thing.

-liz, to erica

is this one of those relighting candles?

-eddie, blowing out a lighter

hello honey.

-hiro, answering his phone

tiiiiiiiiight.

-noli

dude. lick it.

-noli

ichiro? more like ichi-NO!

-zack bruno

now dassa big dog, shieeeeeeeeeeet!

-miguel